Thursday, June 14, 2007

From the author of "Lose 5 Pounds in 6 Hours!" and "Singletrack Love"

It seems like women all over the US are forever searching for ways to:
1) Lose Weight
2) Find a Man
Well, ladies,,,,here it is....HERE IS THE SECRET!

Sssshhhh! Don't tell anyone!!! It's top secret and the word really hasn't gotten out. In fact, I think I should charge for this VERY valuable information. (Before you proceed, please visit my paypal site at paybern$1,000.com.)

Okay, now that you've paid, please proceed to the TOP SECRET INFORMATION:






**MOUNTAIN BIKE!!! MOUNTAIN BIKE!!! MOUNTAIN BIKE!!!**



Seriously ladies, buy yourselves a bike, throw on some spandex, go out to the trails, ride around a bit, and DON'T FORGET YOUR LITTLE BLACK BOOK! I guarantee you will lose weight and get dates! No kidding...satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!!!

And now here's a bonus!! Since you obviously have nothing better to do than to read my blog, I'm gonna throw in one more piece of advice absolutely free!! Ready???? Here it is....

MOUNTAIN BIKE RACE!!! MOUNTAIN BIKE RACE!!! MOUNTAIN BIKE RACE!!!

Testimonial: I just did The Traverse, a 44 mile mountain bike race in Orange County. There were 100 male riders and 6 females. Think about it...100 super fit males, ages 17-65; now if those aren't great odds,,,then I don't know what is!! And,,,not to mention...I lost 5 pounds in 6 hours! :)

So there you have it. Forget Jenny Craig and match.com! I've given you the body you want and all the men you can handle for a mere $1,000 one time fee. (not responsible for scratches, scars, or broken bones)

Sooooo in the words of the English rock band Queen...

"Get on your bikes and ride!"

"Bicycle races are coming your way
So forget all your duties oh yeah
Fat bottomed girls they'll be riding today
So look out for those beauties oh yeah
On your marks get set go
Bicycle race bicycle race bicycle race"

7 comments:

Andy said...

So what exactly are the guys supposed to do? What if we are looking for that special someone too? It seems our odds suck compared to yours!! :-)

As always very entertaining read. thanks

andy

LyndaW said...

Sooo funny and so true! The bigger secret is tho' most of the guys out there racing are real Jems too... I can't say enough good things about the guys out there racing on the endurance circuit.

Miss Gilly said...

Testimonial:
I tried the authors methods and they worked for me! Although I suffered many bruises and the need for spinal adjustments along the way, I did finally meet a handsome/athletic /gourmet chef/fireman/sweetheart Canadian man using this method. In fact the method is so good I think the author may regret turning me on to it!! ;P
Note this is not a paid advertisement ;)

Bernice said...

Andy: You guys get QUALITY INSTEAD OF QUANTITY!!

Lynda: JEMS,,,yes!

Miss Gilly: Damn this method! ;-)

Munro Duncan aka "Munny" said...

Ha, Ha, bern Thanks for the hook up.Miss Gilly will soon be riding her new bike in a real Mountain bike town, like ....mmmm....WHISTLER !

If you'd like to trade for a ticket to PQ 2008, forget it ! I will get there myself.

when do you want me to come down there and "Sho-you " how to mtn bike ?

haha

munny

Bernice said...

Hey Everyone!!

Munro Duncan aka Munny has a nasty, contagious Mesopatamian TB flea flickin' Flu Rash that causes mtb sluggishness, tongue itching, inability to paddle, and sleeping feet! It is incurable and spreads through towing, sharing rappel ropes, and reading his comments! :)

Garth said...

Andy, to up your odds, take up road riding and do an organized century, like Solvang or Amtrak. Hundreds of biker chicks there, and they don't all have that "I'm tougher than you" mountain bike chick attitude like Miss Bernice.

Just kidding, Bernice!! :-)